-heavy heart-

Is there such a thing as a sad smiley?

delete message?-- yes

Deleting
text messages
from the past.

Emails from a love
of two years
with promises
gone stale.

Memories of posts
that brought
yesterday's fights.

I deleted and
a heavy load
disappeared.

I deleted and
my heart feels
it's easier to believe.

I deleted and
my mind said
what a fool i have been.

Let's catch up

This blog has been dormat for so many months now. Quit a bit happened since February.. i changed job three times, been on the emo-coaster along the way.. fustrated tears have been cried, exhausted/exasperated sigh exhaled, prayers to all angels and saints whispered (well, not quite), and finally i think i might have found already what i have been looking for. To say that the past few months have been busy would be an understatement. I now welcome the balance of doing what i love most in a relatively stress-free environment. Such a relief. I wasn't sure before if it was foolishness on my part that i kept on jumping from one job to another the past few months. I resigned from one job because i didn't get the raise that i was aiming for, and was having difficulties with a female boss who probably didn't have a life and takes it out on her female co-workers. (to you: get a man, get a life. hehe) I was having fun though. I liked what i was doing, and it was comfortable there despite all that "drama". But the fun has to stop there. I need directions. I need to prioritize. Especially when i have the future to think about. Then another job with a better pay came at the right time. Admittedly i accepted the job just for the bucks, not really liking what i was doing and working ungodly hours like call-center people do. After 4 months, i quit. Somehow i couldn't settle. But in my heart i knew i still needed to be able to find something that i love. I read somewhere that in order to be satisfied, you have to be able to do what you think is great work, and great work could be accomplished by doing something you love. It rings so true for me. I have a tendency to get extremely frustrated when i'm not happy with my work. I don't know, may be it's combination of that artist's temperament and PMS. Dang. I had a couple of other job offers, and made my choice after weighing the pros and cons. Now every nerve in my body tells me that i could finally settle where i am right now, but still fully aware that nothing is perfect and fully appreciative of what i have.
So this is it, pansit..